You know that place between sleep and awake? That place where you still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you. That's where I'll be waiting. ~Peter Pan
2 years ago I experienced one of those moments in life where you are never the same. It was a normal morning, waking up to a new day to find out someone who made a difference in your life would not be doing the same. Jayna Troxel Murray was a friend of mine who was murdered. I had experienced loss in my life but this was the first loss of one of my own peers. I remember being so shaken at the news, I immediately began throwing up. My body was in pure shock and began to grieve the loss of a friend. Jayna was one of those girls who was just too cool for school. Jayna and I met in High School, we became friends and I am not sure even sure who wasn't a friend of Jayna. She had a smile and laugh that could light up a room. Her personality was contagious. I always enjoyed hanging out with her! I remember driving around in her hot red mustang and having a good time. My most favorite memory of Jayna is from our senior trip, we were in Colorado Springs and of course the trip was full of activities. Well on the last evening we were there we had a big dinner. Earlier that day Jayna and I decided to go and hike and just hang out. While other girls were primping and getting ready for their last hurrah to impress the senior boys, Jayna and I were getting stinking and dirty by hiking, enjoying nature and chatting. I remember we came back and sat on a railing looking out at the world and talking about our futures. Never realizing that her would be that much more brief. I CHERISH that memory! We ended up not having any time to get ready and arrived to dinner in dirty clothes, exhausted and still had a good time. My hair looks awful as I look back at those pictures but again, it means nothing to me but rather just mine and Jayna's faces as the memories we made that day. We ended up going off to college and as some friends do with distance we didn't talk quite as much but always kept in touch when we could. One of my favorite pics of Jayna is from the last time we saw each other at a homecoming event. We caught up with each other and laughed as we use too! Words can not express how AMAZING she was, she did so much during her 30 years of life than most people do in their lifetime!
I miss my friend today....it hurts. Grieving is a difficult process, it's never easy but something you must do one step at a time. So many people question how God can let something like this happen and rather I go to God knowing HE is holding my friend and knowing HE will comfort me while I miss my friend.♥
Showing willingness to allow the existence of opinions or behavior that one does not necessarily agree with
The original title for this blog was going to be: You Will Be Offended, I took a step back and waited a couple more days before I wrote this to make sure I wasn't reacting but rather responding to some situations and how they made me feel. You might be offended still but here it goes. First, I know wholeheartedly what I stand for and what I believe. The part that I am not happy about is whether or not those around know what I stand for? I try to live a life where my actions and character are my words rather than just shouting it to everyone. Hopefully I do that! First, I am a Christian, I say that knowing that I fail every day because I am human but I am saved by Jesus Christ and I know that some day Heaven will be my home. I am not perfect but HE loves me and I go to HIM for my strength because I can't do it on my own. I AM NOT PERFECT! I believe in loving my neighbors (each one of you) and it is also not for me to judge any of you. I respect that we are all different and I love you no matter what, exactly what I have learned from my faith. Again, we all know that nobody is perfect and I know someone will stereotype me with some "radical" or "crazy" sect of Christianity but I hope instead you will see me for me!
Now that you know what I stand for this is what has been bothering me the last couple of days. This is the first time in my life where you can feel the division in Americans and the hurt we have towards each other. How do we go from a country shortly after September 11th to a the status we are in now? It truly breaks my heart. I recently cleaned up my Facebook feed from all the hate being posted from the political comments. I couldn't take it anymore. THIS IS AMERICA!!! We are all blessed to live in a country where we have the freedom to believe what we want without persecution, unless you don't believe what I believe so you are therefore marked as a "hater!" Really people? I am so angered by the word "Tolerant" these days? I am suppose to be tolerant but the fact that I may have a difference stance when it comes to family, marriage, abortion or any of the hot topics of these days than I am viewed as a hateful person? Its absurd and down right heart breaking. Social networking doesn't help at all, instead of using it for good, the same people who a year ago used it as a tool to bring awareness to stop bullying are now the bullies themselves! Division and strife is all I see these days....sighs....I love this country and all the men, women and their families who fight DAILY to protect us for the freedoms we have. This is how we thank them, by bickering at home? United is how we should stand but instead we are just a house divided. Respect is what we are missing and maybe the word "Tolerant" needs to be reexamined.
I really want to thank the those in my life who inspired me to write this, normally I stay away from stating my opinion because I am a people pleaser. I have no problem admitting it because I know I am but just as those around me can state their opinion I should never feel like I can't share mine. You know what? If what I have to say offends you that much and you truly can't see the person I really am than say something to me, ask me why, I will always be more than willing to share. Besides my family I have a friend who I could always share my opinions with and never felt judged (haha well sometimes judged) but I have always respected them for never backing down from their opinion even when I don't agree but we are still friends. So on that note thank you, you inspired me to post this and hopefully my little bit of courage can help inspire someone else today. ♥
I have a fascination with stars, did you know that about me? When I was younger I subscribed to Astronomy magazine and I couldn't get enough of it. I use to go to on constellation night walks and stuff like that. I had my very own telescope and would sit outside looking at the stars. I was the kid who had all the glow in the dark stickers all over the ceiling in my bedroom. I remember my Dad taking me to Lowell Observatory when I was little up in Flagstaff and I was in awe of all the beauty in the night sky. One of my most favorite memories was the one time I wanted to go and watch a meteor shower, well my wonder Mother being a Mom was not going to let me go outside by myself at 3am. Instead I remember laying on the back of her brown Mazda 626 and watching the meteors crash into our atmosphere but looking like shooting stars with her. Its funny because I think she may have fallen asleep at some point but she stayed out there with me until my heart was content and I had seen all the beauty that painted the sky that night. Pretty sure my love for the stars comes from my dreamer personality. I always have my head in the clouds and my feet when they should be on the ground! ha! You know what is kind of funny, I am sitting writing this blog and I am thinking about "stars" and some of my favorite movies involves stars! Star Wars, Stargate, Starship Troopers....ok maybe joking on the last one but I did enjoy it. There is a famous star in Disney's Pinocchio, Peter Pan and there so happens to be one big famous star that led the way at Christmas. Disney, movies and my faith, safe to say that my love for stars are in all areas of my life! One thing I have never done but always wanted to do was get my own star. You know where you can name a star after yourself and have a certificate made? Believe me I know that it may not be "for reals" but still its something I have always wanted just because. Did you also know the meaning of my name? Yep, you guessed it! The meaning of my name is Star, so no matter what we truly have a connection, I think it is interesting! Have you ever looked up what the meaning of your name? I love stuff like that, here is a link. Take a look and see! http://www.name-meanings.com/index.php
